I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
