then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
