You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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