Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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