Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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