Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Congratulations! We have a period
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