I can't breathe out the right side of my face
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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