You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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