Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
