I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
