No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
