I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
