OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize