I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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