...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
