I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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