im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
