He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
