you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
