if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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