so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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