I wish I could teleport
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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