If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
