i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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