laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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