just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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