i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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