The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
