Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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