Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
