how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
