DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
