Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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