I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
