Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
