someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
