I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
