Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Found your dick twin last night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
