dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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