You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
