She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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