Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
