I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
