so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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