I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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