I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
