Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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