Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
