I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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