Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
