Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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