I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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