Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize