I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
