i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
being pregnant is like rehab
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
