If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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