I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
