She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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