you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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