It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize