I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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