he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
