I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
