i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
