It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
