I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
