He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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