brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
