apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
