he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
